Late night rambles.

It's 1:49 am.

It's in the middle on the night where everyone else is sleeping soundly and I'm here like over-thinking things we talk over those long text messages we exchanged just now.

Even at the sound of my (set at lowest speed) standing fan could distract me from focusing on writing this thing. So I turned it off.

I don't know why it bugs me so much.

I don't have many girlfriends, for a start. Maybe I could say I don't have any of them.

Few of best friends, yes. 

So maybe those long text messages with a what I can consider as a casual friend, friend of a friend, talking about personal things, especially one that what Aizat said he could relate so much to me, was actually tells me this girl is, yes, I can relate a bit, here and there but she is no like me. I am no like her.

She, has her own ideas. Her own ideals. Correct, none of them wrong. No opinions are wrong, ever.

Only there are mature opinions and not-so-mature opinions. Or stands, in this case.

Aku bersyukur dengan semua apa yang pernah jadi antara aku dengan Aizat, walaupun kebanyakan masanya sebelum kami bermula tahun lepas aku keseorangan dengan a battle with my own.

Tuhan mendidik aku untuk melihat dengan mata lebih luas dan belajar apa ertinya "compromised" in the very true sense.

Compromised with the cost of losing ourselves, of what we really are for the sake of each other. Differences in thoughts, opinions, way of thinking, these are what 90% of couple are experiencing. 

No opinions are ever wrong, it's just the matter of our preferences. Of our significant other's preferences.

And whether we are ready to sign up for that, for the long run.

I guess I can see those really clear now. Crystal clear.

Nothing hits you more than the second, third, fourth time moment of realization. 

I know I am more mature now, mature enough to know what I want. Mature enough when I know I couldn't just leave Aizat behind for some 'bright-promising lad' when I truly know whom my heart is with. 

Mature enough not to ever give up and dump everything and bail out.

And mature enough to know that love costs you allot. Lol.

Or maybe it's not love, but being in a relationship what costs you allot.

I am sorry but, reading all those long text messages, I can't help myself but thinking, she's a bit selfish, one hopeless romantic, dreamy, and uh.. etc, but in the end I know that's just maybe because she isn't there yet.

On that note I can understand her and be just hoping for the best for her. And it's her life anyway, she has the chance to choose what she wants. Let her choose then. And hope for the best for her. :)

I myself aren't that mature but I figured the basic parts so I got that going for me for now. Which is nice.